An open apology

It has come to my attention that my commenting on other people's blogs has dropped off dramatically.

Stop it.

I know I know.

You missed me. No NO,  you didn't have to say anything, I felt your pain.

And look, it is not an excuse just an insight into why my pithy thoughtful comments such as threatening to kill you with a tray have been so lacking.

It's Google Reader.

That's right.

The whole having to click through to your actual websites, then click on the comment button, then make my erudite summations is just.so.taxing.

*snore*

In which I discuss some lady issues

Oh sure, Badger may have cornered the market on how to handle the flow but I'm here to tell you about how to manage the mood.

For you see, by the time you factored in my pre-menstrual tension, my menstrual-crankiness and my post-menstrual anger Chef and those around me were lucky to score about five days of me being relatively stable and gee, happy.

A lot of that pre-, during- and post- symptoms were greatly lessened even eradicated through the intensive breeding program that has been my life. But over the last couple of months I've noticed it returning to the point that by September I was positively vile to all and sundry. Road raging, angry at the universe, cursing the clothes for not hanging properly, yelling at the kids for yelling at each other or me (so so futile) were Top of the Pops in the allconsuming household.

So I mentioned it to M primarily in the context of coming off one of my meds and that perhaps my premenstrual rage was worse being off that particular drug.

He suggested an all-out attack on The Sydrome:
4 fish oil tablets (400mg minimum of EPA  per tablet) daily
3 evening primrose tablets per day
1 Mega B executive stress tablet per day

This was based on research undertaken that had established that fish oil is very effective in managing mood, particularly in conjunction with anti-depressants. We discussed a study that had been undertaken in which long term sufferers of depression who had been otherwise unresponsive to anti-depressants were put on a course of high-DHA fish oil supplements and anti-depressants. Those taking the fish oil and a placebo experienced a 30% improvement in mood while those on the anti-depressants and fish oil registered something like an 80% improvement. That's in a cohort of people that had otherwise been drug-resistant (as in the anti-depressants had not worked, side-affects had been too severe etc). Impressive hey.

There is still debate over the dosage - some say 1mg some say 3mg.

The evening primrose is well established as a PMT treatment and the executive stress vitamin B supplement would be good for managing my stress regardless.

The idea was to start taking it holus bolus half way through my cycle and to see if it made any difference.

Well, let's just say my little monthly friend arrived bang on time and compared to my normal ball of fire fury I'd barely managed a smolder.

For me the clincher on this formula being a winner has been the fact that if I have been angry or stressed or cranky it hasn't lasted longer than acceptable for such a state of mind (minutes as opposed to hours if not days) and I have also been able to lift myself out of such a mindset much more easily than previously.

Not bad huh.

      

This Saturday

will see a family reunion for my Mum's family.

There will be:
My mum and her five brothers and sisters
Two of their husband/wives (two divorces, two not coming due to ill health/age)
Me and my thirteen cousins
Nine of their partners (some still single, mine working breakfast,lunch, dinner at a paid job)
My four and the other nine grandchildren - aged from 11 years to 10 months

That makes FORTY FOUR people.

I'm catering for the whole thing. Don't get me wrong. I'm not doing for  a martydom, I'm doing it because I am a control freak and I absolutely detest large gatherings where everyone 'brings a plate' and so you end up with some weird multi-cultural hodgepodge of dishes. It's been fun working out the menu due to the plethora of eating issues and allergies and so on.

But I must confess, when Mum said she wanted to do it neither of us ever thought everyone would come. Ever.

Family are gathering from Wollongong, Bathurst, Melbourne and Sydney. I mean, people are travelling, with small children, from Melbourne. If my Aunt in Melbourne was hosting this I'm not sure I could say we would have been going so I truly appreciate their efforts to come.

It's the first time the entire family would have been together since my Nan died five years ago.

Isn't that something!

The menu:
Dips and turkish bread (from the awesome Lebanese place in Frenchs Forest - of all places!)
Cheese plate w/ lavosh
Antipasto of vegetarian options

Baked ham
Spinach, pine nut, roasted pumpkin and feta salad
Five bean salad with lemon and poppy seed dressing
Asparagus and ricotta tart*
Leek and goats cheese tart*

Pavlova
Fruit Cake (the next day is my Aunt's 70th and my Mum also retired this year... after 45 years teaching.)

Lemon shortbread
Macaroons

(* with a gluten free pastry a la Maggie Beer)


So I'm off like a bride's nightie to start baking and to perhaps try and clean this house up a bit.

Crazy zebras are on the loose!

Can we all nod and agree on the cold hard reality that pretty much the entire decade (cut me some slack, two decades is just too depressing to contemplate) from the age of around 8 to 18 is not about becoming and being a teenager but about being a tormentor.

While parents are drip-fed the torment in the form of constant requests for expensive toys and designer clothes and complicated dinners with a splash of impressive tantruming, door-slamming and wall-thumping and a smattering of impressive displays of just how far they brain has yet to develop, tormentors store most of their tricks for their siblings.

Think the screaming of statements of fact like:
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
WHAT?!
GOD (insert sibling name here)
YOU'RE SO ANNOYING
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO WHAT I'M DOING???
MAAAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUUUUM, (insert sibling's name here)'s ANNOYING ME (like their behaviour and presence is just so delightfully scintillating and enjoyable)

Cast your mind back to physical signs of love and affection such as:
- the shove just because you were walking past
- the rumble that was so borderline assault you still wear the scars, mental and physical
- the face in your face telling you to get out of their face even though they just thrust their face into yours not visa versa
- the sharing of some food stuff whereby you get 1/16th and they get the rest but then collapse in a flail of 'how unfairs' when your parent gave you something else to make up for their mathematical remedialcy
- the.relentless.teasing.

Is it any wonder that by the time we reach adulthood and think our parents are completely lame they probably are after years of soul cobbling from enduring all this and trying to mediate it for years and years on end.

It is actually quite amazing that more parents are not bitter lunatics looking for revenge when, after all that they watch their offspring suddenly discover they quite like each other and start going to the pub or nightclub together and start secreting rolling-eyes and particular faces at each other when parents try to strike up a conversation about what they've been up to.

You know the parents who are getting their own back? Those mums who go clubbing with their daughters and dance around their handbag on the dance floor like it's 1999 that's who.

It is in the framework of this parental experience that I share with you the following incident.

Felix is particularly skilled at the sibling taunt and torment with the final scene an impressive display of self-righteous indignation along the lines of, 'BUT HE WAS ANNOYING ME'. This is always so perfectly in proportion to what has gone before when his sibling has basically entered the room after a shower to get dressed.

Following several months, nay years, of Felix carrying on like this and many many many discussions with him (both in the heat of the incident and at the far more effective time of later one) about how it isn't acceptable and how if he is feeling particularly frustrated with a sibling (let's face it, 98 per cent of the time we're talking about Oscar) there are strategies and actions he can engage to help him.

This of course results in a period of time varying from three minutes to even a couple of weeks of marked improvement in sibling relations until we begin the steady decline once more to another Ground Zero of Screamy McScreamy Tormentor Pants.

So imagine this. The regular nightly event called showering is taking place. Felix has finished and Oscar is getting in. This swap over coupled with the cleaning of teeth can basically never transpire without some form of contest, conflict or contact. Clearly, the idea of simply getting your towel and letting your brother pass is clearly so laughable, so ludicrous I'm not sure why I struggle with it being such the warzone it is.

On this particular evening I was actually in a good, even humorous, mood. So I cajoled Felix and for about the first time ever actually used a swear word while talking to him:

Me: "Felix, you are, what many people in the real world would call, a shit stirrer."

Felix: "What does that mean?"  

Me: "Well, imagine if you will all the turds sitting in the bottom of the toilet bowl. They're happily minding their own stinky business, sitting their, stinking it up and generally feeling OK with the world. Then along comes Felix with a big wooden stick and stirs them all around." (Imagine this with me doing quite impressive actions and Oscar finding it hilarious while in the shower) "So all the happy little turds suddenly are all 'WOAH! What's going on, what's happening, I'm feeling all weird" (Imagine some impressive jazz hands with crazy hands and whole body conniptions that a turd must feel when flushed down the s-bend)

Felix: Wailing, flailing, storming off to his room, "NOBODY LOVES ME!!!!!" (cue door slam)

Me: Not being one to shy away from tormenting my children because people, revenge? such a cure, go and force the door open. Sticking my head around the corner I go "ba ba ba BOO!". Several times.

There is general laughing through his indignant tears at this stage.

I force my way in.

Me: "Felix, you know I love you more than I can ever ever express to you, but there are times when you have to accept that it is your behaviour, not that of your brothers, which is causing the incident. What was it that Oscar was doing that made you so angry?"

Felix: "He was annoying me."

Me: "No. That was how he made you feel. What was he actually doing that made you feel annoyed."

Felix: "He was looking at me."

Me: on the inside: belting him around the head with a dead stinky fish because OH.MY.GOD.
Me: to Felix: "Right. And instead of yelling and screaming and pushing him, did it occur to you to simply turn around? Or perhaps leave the bathroom area?

Felix: silence.

Me: "Felix, I know that a lot of things Oscar does and how Oscar is are very frustrating and annoying for you. There are aspects of Oscar that I find really frustrating and annoying. Do you know how hard that is? For a parent? To admit that about their child? But you know what? That is who he is. That was how he was born. And - as we have talked about many times before - you simply can not change people to suit you. BUT you can change how you respond and interact with them. So what are some of the things you can do?

Felix: "Ask him to stop."

Me: "Yes, what else?"

Felix: "Move away."

Me: "Yes, what else?" realising that yes, this child truly is the son of the father.

Felix: "Ask a grown up for help"

Imagine fireworks, fanfare!

Me: "Exactly. So how about we develop a code word or a saying which you can use when Oscar is getting in your face or you feel like you're about to lose it with him so I can come and help you out?"

And, not a word of a lie, the i.n.s.t.a.n.t. reply from Felix?

Felix: "How about 'Crazy zebras are on the loose'."


And so, dear friends, life goes on.

Rollercoasts, swings and roundabouts. That kind of thing.

I think I have mentioned before my underwhelmed emotions about Jasper's kindergarten. That not one staff member used to come and greet him or say goodbye when we arrived and left. That not one staff member ever offered me any information about the kind of day he had or what activity he enjoyed. Still don't unless I ask them. That he has not formed one real friendship and when asked who he played with will quite matter-of-factly tell me he 'played all by myself'.

Here's the thing. I just don't think the staff like the children that much. Don't get me wrong, they care for them, they run a lovely structured program and they tick all the boxes they're meant to when it comes to meeting the government criteria, rules and regulations for a kindergarten.

But it seems to me they are more concerned with writing down what each child is doing and having everything in its place than simply playing with the kids and teaching them through play and fun activities.

I find their barely controlled panic when a child hurts themselves really quite funny - like something has happened that they didn't have in the program!

There was the time I went to open a toy from its wrapper on a table with lots of books on insects and toy bugs and asked the girls if that was OK. Three of them simultaneously cried out 'NO' with the director then offering that its because the pieces might get lost.

Even dust doesn't got lost at this place.

Or the time we weren't there for two weeks and when we returned not one staff member said hello or offered up a cuddle or asked Jasper where he'd been or if he'd had a good holiday.

My shiny happy Jasper is just some flotsam in this place. Other kids are more needy, more in need of assistance, more outspoken in the setting. Jasper just goes about his merry business and they - from all appearances - do nothing to tap into his world.

So why have we left him there all year? Well they do do things with them, it's not like he is neglected. He seems to enjoy it (when he's there) and I needed some down-time. Let's not underestimate this last point. If he had been really unhappy and fought going there I would have pulled him months ago, but that just hasn't been the case.

We are SO relieved we got a place in a wonderful pre-school for him next year. A centre which just screams it is for the children, with not an inch of wall space or even ceiling space free of the kids' artworks and creations. Where I've seen staff scoop children up and kids run to staff to tell them things or for a cuddle. Where there is an energy and a joy about being a part of these children's lives.

So while we've just been celebrating the world according to Jasper, what with him turning four and all, today Chef came home from dropping him off with a parent information note about the PALS (Playing And Leaning to Socialise) program and a form to sign for Jasper to be a part of it.

This is a really good program. I remember it from when Oscar was little and I think the kindy ran it there for him and some of his classmates. It is a series of half hour sessions using story telling, songs, games and role-play which work on skills such as greeting others, taking turns talking and listening and at play, sharing, asking for help, identifying feelings, empathy, overcoming fear and anxiety, managing frustration and calming down and speaking up.

But you know what. Just handing the info sheet to a parent with a 'I'd like Jasper to do this' is not good enough. Why? Have there been any situations or events that have made you concerned about him for this to be necessary? If so, why has there been NO discussion with us, his parents, about it - when there are now only EIGHT weeks left in the year?

Don't get me wrong, if any of my children are offered a place in a free educative program I'm taking it - hell, Jasper might come home and be able to model some behaviours for his older brothers to learn. BUT there is a way to go about informing parents of the program and why they think their child would benefit from being involved.

And apart from that, I want to yell at this place that what they see as Jasper's shyness is actually his reflection of how they interact and treat him.

I remember when Felix started at a pre-school his teacher said to me really early on that he was quite happy to play on his own rather than ask to join in and that if another child asked him to join an activity he would but would then just move away after a little while. This was apparently a red flag moment. I pointed out that maybe he didn't want to play whatever it was the other kids were playing and was happier doing the activity he chose to do on his own and that wasn't it better to move away once bored or over it than just lash out at the others or destroy what they were playing or WORSE, stay in the activity even though he didn't want to? Can I point out that at this time he was EIGHTEEN MONTHS OLD.

She also noted that Felix would sometimes go and do something to another child (like take their toy or some such) but that she was perplexed by it. She could see he was not doing it out of spite or naughtiness or malice and that it was obvious he did not want the toy or book or whatever it was to play with. She said to me, 'You know, he's doing it for a laugh. He's got this really developed sense of humour that his peers just don't understand yet.' Well, DERR. Thank goodness she finally 'got' him.

Holy crap people, let's get a grip. Jasper - like Felix and like his father and let's face it, like me - will not engage just for the sake of engagement. He will instigate conversations and games with adults and children alike, but if there isn't someone there he likes/wants to initiate with then he will happily go on his merry way and make his own game or do his own thing.

I'm sorry but I actually see that as a good personal trait.

So look, my shiny happy all singing and dancing and crazy walking and funny faced Jasper is going to do a social skills course. Not because he needs it but because there's not really anyone - adult or child - at this pre-school he particularly likes or wants to play with. I'm not saying this to make myself feel better, I'm saying it because I.know.my.son.

Hell, when he's here he's got three brothers to negotiate - two days at kindy are probably his idea of quiet time when he finally gets to play with something he wants to play with without having some great interloper of a big brother or some pesky gnat of a little brother coming in and sabotaging it.

I just want to tell them that the main reason they see him as shy at kindy is because of how they are with him, not because of who he is.

Idiots.

FOUR!

There are quite a few of you who will remember this.With all the gory details here  for those who want to catch up.

So somehow, someway, we blinked and went from this:

To this:

Wait, that doesn't show him in all his shiny glory:

To celebrate, I made him a birthday cake shaped like a giant penis. No really.

He wanted a rocket cake. Told me so when he saw a picture of Oscar's 6th birthday cake the day after his third birthday last year. So look, a penis with wings!

And you know, once those wings had been there for a while? Not helping.

Naturally, while all the puerile adults were giggling and being, well, puerile the kids thought the rocket was awesome.

Then there was the cutting of the cake. You know, if this child is the gay one, going off how he cut the cake, heaven help his partner.

Then the adults were even more gutter-humoured because it appeared I'd even paid attention to the, ah, internal anatomical details.

Yep, the kids are getting older which means we are too, but still with the penis jokes. What was worse was most of the family in attendance have all been suffering some sort of weird malaise which has involved ahh, lets say the need to be not too far from a bathroom and a reticence to fart for fear more than air will appear. So yeah, there were the kids happily eating cake and running around with each other while the grown ups grossed each other out with fart jokes, stories of  bottom blow-outs and giggling at the iced phallus.

And this:

is the best shot of the whole family from the 17 taken.

So - the Jasper boy is four. It seems we've moved through the particularly horrid time that is three - you know, the year of the screamy McScreamy Pants routine when the air particles aren't quite how they should be.

We're still in the five food groups of salt and vinegar potato chips, hot chips (or crispy - they have to be CRISPY! - roast potatoes), boiled rice, plain pasta and white toast with butter. But now sometimes grapes are OK. Even watermelon! Sometimes roast chicken is acceptable as is roast lamb but there must be home-made gravy. Sometimes cruskits instead of toast! Occasionally sultanas! What can I say, I somehow produced a child who can almost solely exist on air.

He is a funny little kid, full of funny walks and faces. Always singing or telling you a story. Always in for a cuddle and perfectly capable of holding his own against his big brothers thank you very much.

When he came into the world we called him our little ray of sunshine. His arrival seemed to truly make us, to lift us from some sort of survival zone to a family. I just don't know how to explain it better than that. And you know, he still is that orb of light in the room.

So happy birthday happy shiny little man. We love you more than you will ever comprehend.

    

The answers!

Duyvken: How are you planning celebrating the kids returning to school next week?
Champagne. Natch.
And maybe a jig.
Or perhaps just lying down on the lounge and watching anything NOT on the childrens' channels
Maybe a nap?
Maybe eating junk food w/out having to hide it and consume it in the pantry

Wait.
Jasper and Grover will still be here.

GODDAMMIT
(and D, I am thinking of you each and every moment...)

I just read (somewhere on your food blog) that you make gratin dauphinois and now I've got cravings. I know what I'm making for dinner tomorrow night! So, my question is, what's the recipe?
OH Potato Dauphinois how I love thee so. Here's the recipe sweets:

Gratin Dauphinois

• 2 cloves garlic, crushed
• 500ml milk
• 500ml thickened cream
• 2kg potatoes, cut into 1cm slices
• salt and pepper
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 190C
2. Butter a large ceramic baking dish
3. Bring the garlic, milk and cream to the boil
4. Add the seasonings and potatoes - cook until potatoes are soft but not falling apart
5. Layer the potatoes in the baking dish, pour over the cream mix
6. Bake for around 30 minutes.

Fe: When are you going to start your next quilt?
Already have - am making a quilt for Felix next. It's an Amish Four-Patch Lightning quilt which means alternating 4-inch squares of one 4inch block of fabric with 4inch patches. We're using dark grey for the solids and pinky-reds, greens and purples for the patchwork squares. Sounds awful I know and certainly not what I would have chosen but for a boy becoming a teenager it is perfect and he loves it. And that is what counts. I guess.

(Another friend having an awful time of it. Thinking of you and D in some sort of tag team type arrangement)

Jane: When are you your most happiest? (Hi JANE!)
Gee.Um. I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. When we're all together doing nothing in particular - you know, when you're all having dinner and some conversation starts that gets everyone giggling. Like the other night we had fresh corn cobs as part of dinner and I made mention of how it comes out looking exactly like it went in. What followed was a delightfully erudite family discussion about corn poos. Hilarious!


Kurrabi kid: What's for tea?
Ahh, tonight was spaghetti al'oglio w/broccoli (cooked in the pasta water then mooshed through the pasta when tossed in the oil and sautéed garlic). It was very low-key as it was just me and the two little boys. Last night was pasta (I KNOW! Granted we haven't had pasta in over a week) as well - farfalle - with a simple tomato sauce to which I added a smidge of cream. Just because. That was served with rocket and English spinach tossed in a simple vinaigrette of olive oil and red wine vinegar with some homemade olive bread.


Kurrabi kid: If $ were no object (ie you can pick any ingredient from anywhere) what would you make?
Wow. I never really think of ingredients in terms of cost. If $ were no option I would be at Simon Johnson's cheese room once a week. At least. I would have tried some of this Spanish jamon everyone raves about. I would have tried truffles more than the once I have. We'd probably eat a lot more seafood. I would only buy organic meat - always.

Fifi: ...what is your worst food disaster?
OH MY. So many to choose from. The time I made a lemon delicious with limes but didn't grate the lime rind fine enough so it was like eating sponge with bullets of bitterness. Hideous. Or the sponge that you couldn't even cut let alone chew (granted I was about 12 at the time). Or the first 100 times I made bread and just didn't get the whole kneading concept and basically became totally adept at making paper weights. The stir-fry I made a few years back that tasted solely of that taste of tinned asian foodstuffs. Hideous. Or the seafood risotto I made for a dinner party of 14? The first time I'd ever made risotto and when I was still hopelessly impatient with my cooking. The rice was undercooked and all we could all do was giggle at how the mussels looked like female genitalia. The other dinner party for about 16 (can you believe I used to do full three-course dinner parties for friends when I was at school! This was in Year 10 I think) when I made a three-tiered almond vacherin for dessert but forgot to take the paper liners off from under the pavlova layers so we were all fishing out soggy gladbake from this most delicate of desserts. Shall I go on!

How do you make that fancy icing like on a wedding cake, can you buy it in a shop and assemble it on the cake and justify your very existence by impressing people???
What, are you planning on making it? I HATE that fancy icing on a wedding cake - it's tasteless and normally involves a level of marzipan, a foodstuff I just don't understand or appreciate. You know why it's tasteless? Because it's made of eggwhites and icing sugar. That's it. Nothing good can come of eggwhites and icing sugar. Where's the butter!?!

If you were a drag queen, what would your character be named, and what would be your signature song to bump and grind to?
HAH! I have absolutely NO IDEA. Probably some play on Mae West due to my ample bust. And really, if I didn't bump and grind to Footloose then I'd be doing my teenage years a gross injustice.

Peskypixies: fave food to cook??
Any dessert. Any. At the moment I am in love with making and cooking with puff pastry - it is just an absolute delight and makes me skip in the kitchen. Oh, and bread. I adore making bread. There's something so organic about it.

tea or coffee??
Tea. I used to drink coffee - up until my pregnancy with Jasper when the smell and taste of it made me heave. I have never been able to come back to it. Now it makes my anxiety go through the roof and my tummy sad. I have come back to loving the smell of it. Except on people's breath. Gag. I take my tea strong with barely a dash of milk. That or any of those herbal numbers - except peppermint. The idea of drinking a cup of something that tastes like toothpaste makes my neck itch.

day or night??
early morning and if I'm in the country, dusk. There is something about dusk in the country. Like a day well spent.

summer or winter?
Winter all.the.way. baby. All the way. Warm sunny days make me hideously cranky.

sweet or sour?? 
That totally depends on my mood. If you'd asked me sweet or salty then I'd pick salty over sweet. But again, depends on my mood. I'm very contrary you know.


fave thing to do??
bake.
play with my kids.
have talks to Felix.
receive and give cuddles to my boys.
quilt!

fave movie??
That's too hard - there's so many - Footloose, Steel Magnolias, St Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, When Harry Met Sally, The Royal Tannenbaums, Stranger that Fiction, The Darjeeling Limited, Napoleon Dynamite, I could go on and on and will get annoyed when I remember ones I haven't put down here

fave drink??
room-temperature water. I hate cold water.

fave snack??
When I'm good? Cherries. Or figs. Or a really crisp apple. Or grapes.
When I'm bad? Salt & vinegar chips

best memory from childhood??

Waking up and coming into our family room and seeing my mum and dad sitting on the floor together reading the Saturday Herald. One of the few memories I have of them together, happy.

Dancing Morgan Mouse: were you a chef in a former life?
Oh aren't you sweet! Maybe. I think if I hadn't gone to the swanky girls private school where it was just an unspoken no-no to go into a trade I may well have ended up doing hospitality and becoming a whizz-bang pastry chef.

Janet: how did you get the stitching so good on your quilt? was there swearing involved - or did it just flow?
I drew lines! And yes, there was swearing. And a LOT of unpicking. I unpicked a.l.o.t. Nothing with quilting goes with the flow for me just yet. I can't wait until it does!

Linda: how many remote controls on the coffee table and do you know how to operate them all? (HI LINDA!)
ONE! We have one of those logitech ones that controls the tv, xbox (also used as our dvd player), av reciever, optus - it is even programmed to turn the heater on and off or increase or decrease the heat. I know how to use it but have no idea how to program it.

action or procrastination?
Are you kidding? Procrastination all the way baby. I'm meant to be editing someone's uni assignment as I type this.

Karl or Kochy?
Neither. Both make me want to stick pins in my eyes and other blunt objects in my ears. To me they both represent the complete dumbing down of our population. They're like the white bread of current affairs. I am Jo and Virginia (ABC Breakfast on ABC2) all.the.way. Plus the guy who does their sports is kinda spunky.

dessert island read?
Too hard. Maybe a pile of the classics with some Tom Robbins, Chuck Pahlanuick and David Sedaris thrown in for good measure.

dessert island food?
Figs and cherries. I'd be nothing if not regular.

if you are not writing a book - why not?
Fear. Plain and simple. Fear.


Paola: Did you always know you wanted many kids? (Beautiful Paola!)
Yes. And I always knew they'd be boys.

Were you always this GREAT at cooking?
I think I always had an affinity for it. But it has taken me a great many years to get the feel for it - to know when something is just right or needs something else or to just leave it. Particularly with savoury stuff. I was always in such a hurry as a child/teen/twenty-something with my cooking. Maybe that's why it's only been in recent years that making pastry and bread have come to me - that I've slowed down.

And parenting?
OH aren't you gorgeous. I'm not sure you'd be asking me that if you'd seen me tear strips off all of them in the carpark at Warriewood Square today about how disgusted I was in their behaviour and how ungrateful they were and so on and so forth. That said, I think I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin as a parent now that I was even just three or four years ago.

What's your favourite car?
I quite fancy those little Audi Roadster TTs or maybe a Mercedes SL Class Roadster. To transfer all the family? The Audi Q7 would be nice.

Can you drive a motorcycle?
No, but my husband can! And I've gone pillion.

Boat?

What? Drive one? Sit on one and have someone sail me around the harbour while I sip champagne and eat canapes? SURE! I did learn to sail about 12 years ago but after I had Oscar and got back on a boat I had a complete anxiety attack and was convinced something bad was going to happen. 

Suse: So you steal my blogpost idea, but don't ask me a question?
Yep. You'd already answered! I didn't know the shop was still open!

And get Fifi to come here and ask a PLETHORA of questions?
Yep. Fifi loves me. What can I say.

Blackbird: How tall are you?
5'4'' or 166cm

And what size shoe do you wear?
39


And Wellies or Blunnies?
You've totally thrown me with this discussion. They're for two totally separate situations. Gumboots are for the rain. Blunnies are for the farm.

Norma: if money flowed very freely to you what would you change in your life ? (HI NORMA!)
We'd travel. That'd be about it. OH sure, I'd buy brand-label clothes and shoes, ohmyGod the shoes!, and I would have bought Felix the expensive sneakers he wanted today which I refused to get him. And the boys would go to private school for high school. But travel. We'd travel. Every year. To somewhere new. OH, and I'd buy the family a holiday house/weekender at Patonga.


Sooz: If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
A platypus. Platypuses ROCK.

If you could choose any job in the world, what job would you have (feeling free of course to alter any other life details to accommodate)?
An archeologist.

Why did you start blogging?
There were just too many words in my head.

What would it take to get you knitting?
Drugs. And that it wasn't actually knitting. Knitting makes my neck itch.

Elizabeth Brooks: So do you ever get worried about having a public blog? Do you get tempted to over share (about people who annoy you for instance) and then regret it.
Done it. And it wasn't about someone who annoyed me but a story in which I gave a back story and the back story upset someone very close to me. It still makes my stomach turn. But I stood my ground - that my blog is my place and in my life I have very few 'my places'. If people don't like it, don't read it.



This has been so much fun! If you still have a question, ask away - I'll do another round next week!

Q&A

Totally stolen from Suse, but I have noticed there is absolutely no correlation between the number of hits I get a day and the number of comments received. So all you lurkers, de-lurk and ask me something. Anything. And I shall answer to the best of my ability.

Please note: if I only get like, five questions, then I may retire to the drawing room with the revolver.

No pressure.

Two things you all must do

Go and watch this immediately. It is enchanting, heart-breaking, uplifting, funny and sad. It completely took me by surprise.






And on a completely different note, go peruse this. It'll make you laugh out loud. Well, it should. 

How the Amish do porn. *snort*

School Holidays - when everyone else is away so noone hears you scream

Oh dudes, the last week has been kicking my arse from here to kingdom come. Seriously.You're going to have to excuse me while I just bitch about my kids.

Oscar - the.most.specTACular meltdown today because Grover turned off some basketball game on the xbox and put in a Thomas the Effing Engine DVD instead. It went for over 20 minutes and if you haven't already seen this YouTube treat then take a peak and you're getting somewhat close to what Oscar delivered to us today. On a platter. With garnish!

Felix - oscillating between being just lovely and the biggest boil on the butt of humanity. With bad hair.

Jasper - do.not.get.me.started.

Grover - sitting somewhere between the fall guy for Jasper, Jasper's right hand man and the most fiercely independent two year old to ever walk the planet. Oh, and adorable. But this week has seen the start of me putting him in his room for 'some quiet time'. Which is funny because when I'm putting him in there the screaming can be heard in space.

Things have been broken, painted, drawn on, WRECKED.

And it's making me sigh. A LOT.